One Person's Trash is Another One's Treasure
The other day I realized the beauty that each human has a unique match to another human.
That one person’s discarded human is another one’s treasure.
Even body chemistry is specifically oriented human-by-human.
Just yesterday I told Scott I was grabbing a shower after my workout “because I’m stinky”.
He told me he loved the way I smell - even when I’ve just finished a workout.
Smell was such a big thing in my previous relationship.
I never felt that I smelled “good enough “ for him.
He loved Bath & Body Works everything- and despite all the slathering I did, sometimes it’d still come up!!
Y’all- I smell glorious and have amazing hygiene.
It’s wasn’t me. It was a chemical mismatch.
Yup- that’s a real thing!
So if you’re just not that into your partner’s scent it could be you two are not biologically a match.
I think back to caveman days, when our pheromones told us which member of the tribe would produce the strongest, healthiest, fastest babies with us.
We would be physically attracted to THAT human for procreation reasons.
The exact same thing still happens today and we can detect it if we pay attention.
What does this feel like?
Your partner puts their hands on you, and as you sniff them into your nostrils, your entire body lights up.
It's as if your cells are opening up, inviting them to come inside and make babies with you.
Our breathing quickens.
Our eyes dilate.
We get flushed, which on a very primal level turns us on to our partners.
My man is super touchy. He goes out of his way to find me around the house, and puts his arms around me, rubs my butt, or kisses my neck.
We gravitate to each other like magnets.
Our hands are constantly on the other person, caressing or lightly using our nails or fingertips to touch the other person's hand, or arm, back, or thigh.
My partner told me he dated a woman that hated that he wanted to touch her all the time.
She was irritated by his desire to touch her frequently throughout the day.
She wasn't for him.
It's that easy.
When we are with someone that doesn't honor and appreciate the way we show up in the world, they are not for us.
It's not you.
You are freaking perfect just the way you are.
Well, it's a physical mismatch.
My therapist in one of our last sessions told Derek "Image you and Jen are standing by a stream. Jen is blocking what's downstream. All you can see is her. But what if the perfect match for you is just on the other side of Jen? Someone that wants exactly what you want. That wants you for YOU. That loves how you show up in the world. Don't you want her? To have her, you have to let Jen go."
I think that discussion helped us both to release our relationship, realizing we are EXACTLY perfect just as we are, and what was missing was our perfect partner for US.
Releasing each other enabled me to find Scott, who also wasn't a perfect match to all of the women that came before me.
But we're a perfect match for each other.
My body opens up and sings when he comes around me. When he touches me. My hands reach out to hold and touch and caress like magnets. He smells delicious to me. If we were cave people we'd make lots of babies together. 😂
If you're in a relationship where you never feel like you're enough, take a step back and evaluate.
Is it them?
Are the two of you even a good match?
Are you both near the stream and in each other's way because you're not willing to release your partner and discover what other more aligned humans might be out there for you?
It doesn't mean you have to get divorced or break up.
There is something beautiful in just releasing them that can allow you both to find each other again in a whole new and beautiful way.