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Don't Let My Smile Fool Ya - Move Out Week Was Hard

I've held it together pretty dang well through move out week... until I had a phone call with my mom last night.

8 years of a person's life is a long time to intertwined lives.

I told my mom that it felt like a piece of my heart was just down the road. 

The house feels empty without him there. 

The comfort of knowing my partner is just on the other side of the house is gone.

I was made for partnership. I love being part of a couple. Learning all of their little idiosyncrasies . What lights them up. What nerds them out. 

I love sharing what happened in our days. 

Something hilarious one of the boys did or said.

Making a meal together. 

Sharing a Netflix series together. 

Snuggling on the couch.

I'm finding balance again on my own, and learning to enjoy my own company again.

I've taking sh*t tons to yoga 🧘‍♀️  to fill my time, move my body, and process through all of my emotions. 

Today I texted my soon-to-be-ex to check in and see if he was ok. He sent me a picture of his new couch. Told me he was happy. Except when he thought about the kids or the dog. 

When I asked how he felt toward me, he said he didn't know yet.

🔪 Freaking dagger in my heart. ❤️ 

I didn't leave.

I only asked for what I wanted. What I needed.

The biggest lesson so far is that not everyone will want or like you.

When you evolve, be prepared for those not evolving with you to fall away.

Be prepared for it to f*ing heart like hell.

But be prepared to also find so much gold.

As I mentioned in my last blog post, we've both been dating other people since last November. 

The day after my birthday, I went on my first date with my now-only-partner. 

I'm not ready to reveal who he is, so let's call him Guy. 

Guy has spent the last 2 months showing me that I'm not too much. 

That I don't have to shrink myself anymore.

That I can be big and bold and shiny and vibrant and sensual, and it's never too much.

My god, does it feel good to know that I'm perfect just the way I am.

Talk about more gold - he's super manly in a viking - camping - rugged - can fix stuff kinda way.

Something I haven't had in the last 2 decades.

And speaking of time - someone reminded me this past week that yes I've spent 2 decades with 2 husbands - but that in the scheme of my lifetime that's nothing really! I'm not even 4 decades old yet.

I'm so excited to continue being me.

To continue to be surprised by what life wants to bring me. 

I'm enjoying the unfolding of what's happening with Guy, and the new experiences I'm having in this lifetime.

It's all for a reason.

There is a great purpose.

I am loved.

I am supported.

Always.

And so are you.

XO,

Jen

 

PS: Check out this Spotify link for a themed song: https://open.spotify.com/track/7moJWeYfMTr7iWgSHvwF7Y?si=708b6d30e6f24c5a